A wise woman once said “Age ain’t nothing but a number”. True, age doesn’t necessarily define maturity. You can’t help but be attracted to who you’re attracted to; younger, older, skinny, fat. How many times have you seen someone’s great-grandfathers trying to pick up a barely legal tenderoni and no one says a word. I mean, it’s obviously as normal as sliced bread and it will continue on long after we’re all dead. But what happens when a woman tries to do the same? Well, obviously she must be shamed! How dare she take advantages of such a young man, she’s a woman for Christ’s sake. She’s suppose to be fucking nurturing and have no desire to sit on said young and able dick. Because let’s face it, we’re suppose to accept men as they are: saggy hairy balls, gross back hair, erectile dysfunction. But as women, we should keep it “tight and right” under the threat of being traded for a younger model. We are suppose to see past superficiality of a smooth and young body and go for someone “our own age”, whatever the fuck that means.Why does age affect the way we date, as women but not men’s. Obviously we can cite “Patriarchy” as the most obvious reason, but is there more than that…..
Ever since turning 30, I’ve noticed that younger men approach me all the time. It could be because this chubby, adorable face that I have the pleasure of wearing or my fat ass (It’s really the 8th wonder of the world). When I do mention my age, I’m usually met with “I love older women”. Is that secret sentence that cougars wait to hear, so that they can pounce on younger and inexperienced flesh? Why do these puppies think letting me know that will automatically make my panties drop/moist? Don’t get me wrong, They would get moist for a young Idris Elba lookalike and I’ve taken advantage (in a consenting manner!) of younger and robust men. Because why the fuck not? At least, they can go for round 2 without waiting for an hour…or 4. But for me, it usually ends at their physicality ( usually, at one over developed member…).
I’m sure that May-December romances are now all the rages for women, but they’re not for me. I’m perpetually stuck (mentally) between 1988-1997. How am I suppose to relate to someone who doesn’t know who the Fugees are or who’s never seen “Are you afraid of the dark”?? It’s more than just the age gap, it’s the attitude. I’ve gone through most of the bullshit that being in my early 20’s has to offer and I’m FUCKING GOOD. I don’t want to be around to witness or be part of someone’s growing pains. How I relate to someone is obviously THE big factor when I decide to enter into any relationship with another person. And for me to be someone who is still figuring their place in the world, is not appealing nor wanted. I guess I’ll keep sifting through those hairy balls…
*Illustration by Brad Amorosino*