I want to apologize for my absence but I was very ill and swimming in the bullshit as per usual. I mean my dating life is dry as fuck but there are those moments where I find myself in a shit storms of my own doing. You would think after kissing countless frogs, bums and undesirables, I would have the common sense to not even look back. BUT, your girl is nothing if she’s not consistently making BAD decisions about the men she chooses. It’s always risky when you allow someone who’s hurt you to come back in your life, because 9 times out of 10, they’ll screw you over in the exact same manner they previously did. And yes I got burned yet again by the same loser. I’m obviously a glutton for punishment but it’s also made me wonder why I decided to give him another chance. I don’t think my level of desperation has sunk that low (yet..) but I think I was mesmerized by the fact that he was crawling back to me (who doesn’t like to see a man on his knees) and that he had rehearsed his little presentation quite well…
People rarely change unless they’re about to die alone ( I stand by that statement with every fiber of my being!!!). Yet countless men and women forgive people they KNOW for a fact are just gonna stay the same. We fool ourselves into thinking that if the right script is followed or if they show you once or twice that they can be better, then we should take that leap of faith to determine that they may be trusted again. We so easily forget the gigantic pile of shit we landed on the last time we gave those losers a chance. Is it desperation? Is it the fear that if we don’t forgive them and let them go, that it could be a decision that we would regret for the rest of our lives?
That would be a “FUCK NO” Alex for $1000 and I’m saying with this with love. We need to stop worrying about trying to resolve or get closure from people that don’t even deserve an ounce of our attention and love. Forgiveness doesn’t have anything to do with patching things up or trying to work out a situation so dire that your inner circle is wondering if you’ve lost your goddamn mind. Whether you’re taking back an ex (DON’T do it!!!) or trying to repair a broken friendship with that toxic person ( DON’T you FUCKING dare!!), forgiving them doesn’t mean bringing the trash back in your life. It means that you have decided that you would rather spend your energy on people and things that bring meaning, joy and all the shiny good stuff into your life.
Forgiveness is a solitary act that doesn’t have to include anyone else but you. It’s about deciding that you’ve had enough of the draining moments and putting your emotional and mental health first. It’s about deciding that YOU matter to you. 2017 is already shaping up to be MUCH worse than last year, so self-care is not longer just an option but a necessity. Forgiveness is self-care and closure for you and not for the other person. Just because I forgive you doesn’t mean I have to like you. And just because I’ve told you that I’ve forgiven you doesn’t mean that I want you back in my life.
*Illustration by Brad Amorosino*