You fucking made it to 2017! A lot of people didn’t make it, but you did. Who could have predicted that 2016 would have been the shit hole that it was! I’ve been away for a bit, celebrating my birthday and yet another pagan holiday, drinking and drugging probably too much, but what can I say?!? My 32nd birthday needed to celebrated in the best way possible: in complete and utter debauchery. The only thing that sucked were the lucid moments in between shots. I’m starting to really hate getting older, all that “reasoning” and “quiet expectations” are seriously exhausting and it’s taking a toll on your girl. What I’m trying to say is, I think, I’m slowly becoming an adult ( I literally wrote this, walked away, cried, then called my dad who laughed…). I mean, I wasn’t a late bloomer physically, but I definitely am emotionally. Is it really never too late to grow up and become “responsible”?
I can say with absolute certainty, that I am one of the MOST irresponsible people I know. Afterthought and consequences are word that I acknowledge exists, but really have no room in the kind of life I’m currently leading. I do as I please most of the time, and I seldom think about my actions beyond what I’m currently trying to achieve. I always know I’m going to be OK, therefore I don’t really concern myself with the fact that I can fuck myself over (too many times to count..) but somehow by the grace of…baby Tupac in the sky, I always come out relatively unscathed (well, physically at least…).
But lately there’s been a shift in my thinking. I’ve mentioned a few times that I’m kinda, sorta estranged from family. But the birth of one adorable nephew has opened the doors to communications from nothing to smoke signals, and I would be lying if I didn’t say that this little human has changed my perspective on them. Don’t get me wrong, the same issues still linger and we will probably always have some sort of strife within our family. I do think that what has changed is me. I’ve grown up quite a bit since I moved the other side of the country. This period of isolation has made me aware that some of my actions are those of a petulant toddler (which I will only admit to, this one time). The overindulgence that I’ve allowed myself has been great but it’s also has given to excuse to be at times unforgiving and inflexible in my relationships with my family.
Listen, I’ve never kept a new year’s resolution in my life, and I’m not gonna start now. I don’t like setting these “limitations” on myself but I will say that my evolution has just started. Whether it’s finally getting a “conscience” or doing what’s obviously right, even though it pains me, I’m starting to feel like a human adult. Instead of resolutions, let’s focus on our evolution within all of our relationships. Let’s try to relate and be kind to one another, if we have learned anything from 2016, it’s that we could all evolve to be better humans to one another.
*Illustration by Brad Amorosino*