WARNING! Do not read this at work, or at the very least, don’t leave it up on your screen, because today we’re talking about one of my favorite subject: KINKS! OK, so if you were to look up the definition of kink; it pretty much refers to bizarre (YES!!!) and unconventional sexual preferences or behaviors (DOUBLE YES!!). Now I personally think that kinks are a normal part of sexuality. Everybody has something that they enjoy and that they feel somewhat ashamed for liking (that guilt…). Movies and TV shows have normalized “Vanilla Sex” because it looks pretty and obviously there are many things that you can’t show (unless you’re living in France…Lucky bastard/bitch). But through this conditioning, most people have now accepted that missionary and cowgirl are pretty much the positions that most people know and stick with. Which again is fine…well, not really but I mean people like what they like. But what happens when you’re someone with an insatiable appetite for weird, an open mind and willingness to try new things (Always try everything once…well, at least twice) and you are dating a “vanilla person”? How do you broach the subject of butt plugs with someone who things using lube is caused for alarm (yes, this is real story…it happened to a friend of a friend of mine…)? How to do you tell Vanilla that you like all the flavors and then some?
I have my share of kinks that I could share with you, but I would still like to have some family members speaking to me, so I’ll spare them and you. It’s safe to say that I have enjoyed exploring my own sexuality in the last 10 years. I know what I like and I have no problem letting the person that I’m dating know. But I have encountered a few “vanillas” in my life and when I do express my wants and needs, they’re either shell shocked (Sorry black men, but I have to put some of you on blasts…) or they casually let you know that “real man” doesn’t do that. Which again, I can’t force anyone to do what they don’t want to especially when it comes to sex. Consent should always be explicit and never implied, but at the same time, I’ll be damned if I’m gonna get naked and fake “pleasure” that’s really not doing a damn thing for me (and I mean no orgasms, ZERO).
There’s also a certain tone of judgement that comes with letting your kink flag fly high. People love to associate open mind with promiscuity, which in my world, means nothing. It’s as if I’m suppose to let this dude do his 2 shake-pump, maybe have an orgasm and call that sex. IT DON”T WORK LIKE THAT…not even a little bit! While not all men are like that, but as I get older, I’ve notice that some people don’t even know that what they like, let alone being able to verbalize their kinks out loud. You know the type, if you look at their browser history, the kind of porn they watch vs the person they show the world, would blow your fucking mind (Ahhh, those 2 AM PornHub nights…). Listen, FUCK respectability!.If I’m telling you do it harder, do it harder! If I’m telling you to choke, me then dammit choke me. Somehow I don’t think you’ll respect me any less just because you tied me up, but I’ve been wrong before…
*Illustration by Brad Amorosino*