That selfish bitch…

Can we be real with each other? What is it with guilt that drives people to recoil in the fetal position the minute they try to be a little more selfish? Can’t we put ourselves first? Men do it all the time (Penis firs though..) but as women we’re so constantly worried that people will see us as self-centered or acting in self-interest. We’re ready to prove them wrong even if it means that we’ll spend the next 30 years miserable, just so Mr. Smith and his dick can be happy…Is devotion really worth the mental anguish and the constant self-doubt?

Why is it so hard for women to assert their selfishness? We’re so quick to fall on our sword for, let’s be real ladies, a bum with a great smile and a great ass. We want to see the best in everyone and we’re more than ready to make sure that they know that we know they’ve got potential, when in reality potential doesn’t mean a fucking thing (it definitely don’t pay the bills for starters). But we’re suppose to live on hope and faith that things will get better, even if it means that we are unhappy the entire time. As if being martyr has ever done anyone any good (rhetorical question in the context of this conversation).

I know plenty of women struggling in a deafening silence of “things will get better” or “I just need to accept that he has needs and as his partner, I have to comply”. Why? If you’re genuinely not happy with certain aspects of your relationship, should you just go along with it because it’s what he wants and because you just want to avoid the drama or the possibility of getting dumped? Or, Tupac forbid, he has negative thoughts or comments about how he didn’t get his way!!! SO WHO THE FUCK CARES?!?! It won’t be the first time he’s heard no and I can guarantee that it also won’t the last time he’ll hear that word. How about a little self-preservation ladies? How about putting your feelings and needs firsts? And before you tell me that relationships are all about compromises, I fully understand the concept. I just don’t think compromise should be about one person getting their heart’s desire, while the other one is suffering in hopes that her partner will see her sacrifice and have a magical change a mind…

I know that I’m coming off harsh as fuck, with little to no filter on the subject. I only say like this because a) I care; and b) I wish someone had told me this when I started dating. You don’t need to compromise yourself for to be loved. I know that for me it stemmed from a self-esteem problem, but it also stemmed from being condition as a woman from a very traditional background. It took years of being shat on and trying to build something meaningful with some of the most ungrateful people who’ll ever meet ( but, like real, talk most of them are ungrateful little shits). And I can definitely blame them for my misadventures in fucked up relationships, but ultimately it was my choice to give so much in hopes of making it work. It was me believing that if I don’t cater to this man, he may leave me and where I’m from, it is never a good thing…

In a world that is constantly asking of us to change ourselves so that we either won’t get attacked/harassed/raped…pretty much anything and everything (As you know it’s my responsibility to make sure that none of those things happen to me as oppose to maybe teaching men not to attack/harass/raped). I’m sick and fucking tired, in all honesty, of making the sacrifices. I’m tired of hearing my girlfriends trying to make it work with their partners by literally bending until they break, while their partners doesn’t seem to either care or notice that they’re the ones trying to keep it all together. I’m tired of women being so selfless to the point of physical exhaustion and emotional breakdowns. I’m fucking tired of seeing women relinquishing their happiness in the name of keeping the goddamn peace. I certainly can’t be the only one who’s exhausted…

*Illustration by Brad Amorosino*

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5 thoughts on “That selfish bitch…

  1. I’m inclined to agree with you. I think it is terrible that some people feel they have to change themselves and give little bits of themselves up to make someone else happy. In a lot of cases women are the ones who bend, but not always. I’ve also seen men turned into grovelling puppies because they are dating a woman who has a stronger will. I think in general people in relationships should give and take. Sometimes you need to be selfish and sometimes you need to be selfless. I also think that when anyone feels they have lost themselves in a relationship that it is time to get out and move on. Thanks for sharing, it made me think!

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  2. Wow. I really needed this post today. Everything you said really resonated with me because it is just so so true. We bend until we break but then we’re the “crazy” one. Sigh.

    Also, I love your lack of a filter.

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  3. I agree with a previous commenter, that we shouldn’t have to change to fit with someone else. We need to be accepted, the good the bad and the crazy. I heard it somewhere that if someone can’t handle you at your worst, then they don’t deserve you at your best.

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