When things fall apart

It’s 2 AM, I’m laying in bed thinking about my day and just thinking about the choices I made. Sometimes they’re great, others I can’t be bothered to think anything through because my impatient nature. As an adult, I’m just starting to realize that life is just a hand full of idealistic notions that we share among ourselves. It’s easier to live life, it seems by constantly lying through your teeth, lying to yourself and of course to those you love. Reality is often harsh and unkind so lying and making up stupid stories are usually needed to soften the blow. But how long can we continue to tell ourselves that everything is fine, while the world is burning down all around you… Will the lies ever really cover up the scars?

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How I love now…

It’s easy to see from my previous posts that I’m a very pragmatic when it comes to love, emotions and anything that requires a display of those emotions. I can be cold and I can be quite flippant (I can be the only loser who’s using humor to deflect…well anything emotional) and it has cause some friction in previous relationships and it probably will in the next one (Taking accountability for my behavior…some of that Dr. Phil shit is sticking…). I’ve mentioned my unrealistic expectations, which has caused me to accept the fact that I may single forever. It’s not a tragic or as hard I thought it was gonna be, but it still is something that when said out loud, starts to ring in your head as loud as your mother’s voice (not fucking pleasant at all). But what I haven’t mentioned, is how my emotional intelligence has grown in the last few years, something I almost thought wouldn’t be possible if I’m being honest (a 5 year-old makes better choices on a daily basis than I do …but I can drink so I’m winning at life…). I’ve learned that sometime putting yourself out there is not so much for the other person, but for yourself as well. A way of freeing yourself from emotional torture…

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Dating with no purpose

So you’ve done it! You’ve put yourself out there, you’ve met a few people on and offline. You’ve met the penis (or vagina) of your dreams (for right now) and everything is coming up roses. You’ve got the casual sex thing down pat, but what happens when your casual wants to go on a date?! I mean, granted the order of all of this, is not the typical, but alarms are still going off in your head! How do you go from fucking to talking about yourself?!?

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