TBG’s Guide to Sexting

My very first how-to article! I’m so excited to share with you my most basic tips on how to sext. I figured if it’s good enough for the kids, then it’s great and easy for me. This requires minimal effort on your part. You can do it on the bus, on the toilet or while you’re sitting at your desk. So sit back and make mental notes…

Make sure that the person you’re texting is not a complete MORON or ASSHOLE. I say this because we now live in a world of revenge porn and daily virals. So if you’re not ready to share your aging goodies with the rest of the world, then you’re probably not ready for this sexting life…

Pictures are optional, but if you’re gonna take pictures take several and find out what your best angles are.  So get in front of that mirror, figure out your light (Since most of you take selfies, y’all know what I mean…). You’re selling a fantasy via text, so arch that back and suck in that stomach (Oh, please! We all have to suck in our stomach)! Also that they’re of legal age, or we are talking possible child pornography charges…

Become familiar with your phone. By that I mean, make sure you’re sending all those pictures and texts to the individual they were meant for. Nothing kills the sexy vibes faster than realizing that you’ve just sent that picture to the wrong Kevin or to everyone on your contact list.

Do not attempt to sext multiple people at the same damn time. It takes a certain level of skill to do that…

Have fun and get fucking nasty. Again, you’re selling a fantasy so why not go crazy and perhaps too goddamn far. Don’t drop a hint, but fully explain in adult terms what you’re craving.

Always be safe and to play within your limits and no one else’s.

 

 

*Illustration by Brad Amorosino

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