I’ve resisted the urge to write about this topic for a while now. Not because I like to make people with children feel bad ( I love and live for that shit) but because what I’m about to write will make me seem selfish, unsympathetic and downright evil (nothing you didn’t already know by coming to this lovely place). I’ve wanted to write about the other side of not wanting children, from those of us who hate kids. Not everyone gives a fuck that little Steven can now stand up and drool all over my knee or that I must hold your newborn because he was just born (I honestly could go the rest of my life never having to hold another fucking infant). For some of us the idea of giving birth or having to give all my money over to a tiny terrorist for the next 18-20 years of my life, doesn’t really sit well.
For as long as I’ve remembered, I’ve never uttered the phrase “I want kids”. I’ve always known that being a mother wasn’t for me. First off, I have the intense displeasure of knowing my mother and that was enough to convince me that the whole motherhood thing was going to be a gigantic NO for me. I can barely relate to my own family and I honestly don’t think that it would be any different with my child. Some may say that my issues lay deeper than that and I totally agree. My issue is that I am blissfully and passionately obsessed with myself. I have no problem admitting to anyone that my only worry is myself and will probably always be me. I’m a 31 year old woman who sometimes doesn’t pay her bills on time, drinks too much, and likes to do drugs. I’m responsible enough to show up to work and pay rent, but anything beyond that is…exhausting. And as I’m writing this, I know some may be bothered by the fact that I just said that I would rather do drugs than have a child. As you have every right to be bothered, I have every right to not give a single fuck.
My life is often unplanned and full and I enjoy it that way. To put constraints on me with forced responsibility, is pretty much asking me to run out for a pack of smokes and never come back. I’m proud that I can recognize my limitations and have enough self-awareness to know that motherhood isn’t for me and NEVER will be. I admire anyone who can be that selfless and put another person’s need above their own for the next quarter century of their life, because I fucking cannot. To all the moms out there, happy for you and happy that it’s YOU raising the next generation of entitled assholes, because you know, there aren’t enough of “those” out here…
*Illustration by Brad Amorosino