This uterus is permanently closed

I’ve resisted the urge to write about this topic for a while now. Not because I like to make people with children feel bad ( I love and live for that shit)  but because what I’m about to write will make me seem selfish, unsympathetic and downright evil (nothing you didn’t already know by coming to this lovely place). I’ve wanted to write about the other side of not wanting children, from those of us who hate kids. Not everyone gives a fuck that little Steven can now stand up and drool all over my knee or that I must hold your newborn because he was just born (I honestly could go the rest of my life never having to hold another fucking infant). For some of us the idea of giving birth or having to give  all my money over to a tiny terrorist for the next 18-20 years of my life, doesn’t really sit well.

For as long as I’ve remembered, I’ve never uttered the phrase “I want kids”. I’ve always known that being a mother wasn’t for me. First off, I have the intense displeasure of knowing my mother and that was enough to convince me that the whole motherhood thing was going to be a gigantic NO for me. I can barely relate to my own family and I honestly don’t think that it would be any different with my child. Some may say that my issues lay deeper than that and I totally agree. My issue is that I am blissfully and passionately obsessed with myself. I have no problem admitting to anyone that my only worry is myself and will probably always be me. I’m a 31 year old woman who sometimes doesn’t pay her bills on time, drinks too much, and likes to do drugs. I’m responsible enough to show up to work and pay rent, but anything beyond that is…exhausting. And as I’m writing this, I know some may be bothered by the fact that I just said that I would rather do drugs than have a child. As you have every right to be bothered, I have every right to not give a single fuck.

My life is often unplanned and full and I enjoy it that way. To put constraints on me with forced responsibility, is pretty much asking me to run out for a pack of smokes and never come back. I’m proud that I can recognize my limitations and have enough self-awareness to know that motherhood isn’t for me and NEVER will be. I admire anyone who can be that selfless and put another person’s need above their own for the next quarter century of their life, because I fucking cannot. To all the moms out there, happy for you and happy that it’s YOU raising the next generation of entitled assholes, because you know, there aren’t enough of “those” out here…



*Illustration by Brad Amorosino


8 thoughts on “This uterus is permanently closed

  1. Margaret says:

    So sorry you can’t express yourself without using expletives. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting children. What everyone needs is a relationship with the Creator, the one who made you.


    • TheToknBlkGrl says:

      Hi Margaret,

      Last time I checked this was my blog and I can express myself using all the fucking profanity I want. Furthermore, this is a Godless page so if this is going to be an issue don’t come back.


  2. Kudos to you for knowing what you want and not bowing down to peer pressure! Wish I’d had that kind of backbone when I was a young, naive 19-year-old.

    IMHO, knowing you don’t want kids and then NOT HAVING THEM is the ultimate selfless thing to do because you aren’t bringing kids into the world who aren’t totally desired and adored. There are plenty enough entitled assholes in this world, thankyouverymuch.

    Oh, it’s not an 18-20 year sentence any more, either – my 26-year-old bundle of joy (yes, please do read that with a healthy accent of sarcasm) is back at home and shows no signs of leaving, much like his peers are doing all over this country.

    Also, I totally agree about holding babies. I don’t understand why women of a certain age can’t resist gushing, cooing and cuddling the little plague carriers. Every time I touch a small child I end up sick for two weeks. Keep ’em to yourself, please, and don’t give me the stink-eye when I tell you I don’t want to touch the little shit.

    Ha! Made it almost all the way thru without resorting to fucking adult language 🙂


    • TheToknBlkGrl says:

      Thank you so much Sofia. I love to use adult language all the time, so much so that I have to remind myself that I curse too much. Children’s are other people’s blessing, not mine. I’ve seen so many friends and friends of friends not necessarily mistreat their children but you can’t tell that their kids are holding them back. I think some of us women assume that we want children, but never really question our motives for having them. It’s still very much stigmatized when a woman of a certain age has no children and something that I’m coming across more and more as I get older!


      • I know, right? It’s ridiculous to try to force every woman into the same roll – some of us make better Aunties than Mommies and we shouldn’t be criticized for that – after all, not every man is a father, and many who are don’t take responsibility for their spawn and no one looks down on them! Double standards fucking piss me off!

        As for cursing, yes, it’s not the best idea to do it around kids, but, fuck, we’re all adults here, right? I really doubt curse words are high on the list of Deadly Sins.

        Then again, I haven’t seen the inside of a church in over 30 years, so what do I know? 🙂


  3. While I never wanted kids either, I have a 24 and 25 year old, whom I love dearly and couldn’t imagine life without. That being said, BRAVO to you for knowing exactly what you want and not apologizing for it. I wish I was that smart when I was your age. You keep on doing what you are doing, not everyone should be a mother, unfortunately, some of those mothers don’t have a fucking clue they shouldn’t be mothers. I love your honesty and Fuck people who don’t like the use of profanity like you said, it’s your fucking blog!!! Bravo!!!


    • TheToknBlkGrl says:

      Gina, Thank you so much for the blog love! I think sometimes people assume that I will change my mind eventually or that there’s something wrong with me, but the truth is this is me being responsible. I would absolutely kill me to have a child and not be able to be the best mother I could be. No one deserves that!!!


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