Stalker kinda life

This is a warning as to what happens to literally thousands, if not millions of women on a daily basis. It’s a story that makes no fucking sense and is currently my reality. Some of you may or may not know that for the last 2 years I’ve been dealing with a stalker. A person that I met once in passing, who has now decided to be an uninvited and unwanted part of life. This person has shown up at my previous place of employment (which I left after a confrontation with him and the police), has shown up at  my residence (I moved) and has harassed me in public countless of times. It’s gotten to the point, where I now carry bear spray with me in case I see this depraved fuck coming towards me. I’ve never been one who’s felt helpless or felt the need to hide from anyone. But in the last 2 weeks things have changed. This man now knows where I live (again) and it’s making me nervous. I’ve already had to make some changes in the ways that I live my personal life and I’m running out of patience and options.

I hate the fact that this person is now always on my mind. I hate the fact that I’m now always aware of my surroundings. I’m distrustful of most men anyways, but this has kicked my trust issues into overdrive. I can go a while forgetting about this situation and then I see him in public or circling the block in his car, trying to get my attention and my heart just drops to my feet. Panic/fear sets in and I can’t seem to move for what seems like forever but in reality is probably a minute or so. I’ve done everything I was suppose to:  got a peace bond and the police has gotten involved numerous times. But nothing seems to deter him from trying to convince me to get in his car to declaring his undying love to me. I sometime worry if I’m making things worse when I outright reject him; will this be the day that he’ll act violent with me?  that he’ll eventually kill me? It’s acceptable for this man to literally have me thinking about all the things he could do to me and all the ways that he could kill me, but I’m the one that gotta change my life and my habits to make sure that I don’t end up in the middle of some field, hacked in pieces! I’m trying to live my  life the best way I can, but I sometime feel likes it’s in vain and I should just accept the fact that this person may be a part of my life forever…




*Illustration by Brad Amorosino


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