Case of the ex

I’ve “fucked and ducked” a few people in my life. My actions are always pretty self-explanatory, so I really don’t need to have a conversation with every single person I’ve had sex with. I’ve dated people and not remembered their names or sometimes never asked their last names (I’m pretty self-involved and I like it that way).One particular incident sticks out in my mind though; my best friend and I were in my car when I saw a guy I hooked up with a few weeks prior, walking towards my car. This dude decided to come up to my car at a red light to ask me why I wasn’t returning his calls or some shit like that. Mind you, my windows are rolled up and dude is starting to get loud at the crosswalk. Well, me being the asshole that I am, I hit the gas…at the red light in order to avoid in further embarrassment from this man. I didn’t kill my bestie (Thank you baby Tupac in the sky) and she was not surprised that I would rather die in head-on collision than speak to this guy. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t avoid every person I’ve dated or fucked, but for some it’s a mandatory life sentence of no communications. When you see me walking down the street, please ignore me as I’m ignoring you. But what happens when you’ve been with someone who you actually considered a friend. Once you’ve been intimate with someone, is the friendship done the minute the relationship is over? Why is it so hard for some people to maintain a friendship with someone they’ve seen naked a thousand times?!? 

“But  he/she cheated on me…” Obviously, I’m not here the support any foolishness of keeping a friendship with disrespectful moron, but I’m talking about relationships that ended because of life circumstances. If you had a friendship within your relationship, why must the friendship end? I’ve talked about toxic friendships before, but I’m extremely picky about the people I let into my life. I have a very small circle of close friends, which included a few exes. Two of my exes are like brothers to me and because we made the choice to maintain a friendship, there is really nothing that we can’t share with each other. I love them both so much that I honestly couldn’t imagine not having them in my life (Hi boys). Then there’s another ex with who I have an interesting friendship (cue the side-eye). Our boundaries are little more blurred and we like and keep it that way BUT we are ALWAYS respectful of each other’s relationships (when we’re in them). I also love him dearly but it’s a different kind of love, it’s more intimate (gee, I wonder why…). It may seem a little odd and we’ve had friends ask why we’re only just friends, but now I guess they know.The point is, you define all your relationships/friendships/situationships and they can be anyway you want them to be. BE clear and REAL with that person and yourself;fucking communicate. If you wanna be Miss Messy Boots like me, manage your expectations (don’t have any). Is it a good idea to stay friends with someone who wasn’t present in your romantic relationship? Probably not, but it’s your life. Is it a good idea to fuck an ex? Depends on the ex and if you can fuck without catching feelings (and if the sex was good…why the fuck not). What I’m trying to say is that sometimes the end is just the beginning of a new relationship, sometimes deeper and sometimes even stronger than the previous one…




*Illustration by Brad Amorosino


One thought on “Case of the ex

  1. Pingback: Can you, like, just go away forever… | The Token Black Girl's Guide To Everything

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s