“Take a leap of faith” or other bullshit lines are what I’ve been hearing from my friends (I love you guys to death!) but because they know me, they know that they’re quite possibly wasting their collective breaths. When it comes to to every aspect of my life, I’m the HEAD BITCH in CHARGE, except when it comes to my love life. That is an entirely different story, one filled with extreme pickiness and NOs. Why is that? I mean I must complain to my friends at least once a week that I wanna get laid (desert, desert, drought). And it’s not the opportunity to fuck that’s lacking and the men are respectful and all that good shit, but something has changed in me…and it honestly scares me.
I’ve never been what some would call “sexually repressed”. In fact, many have called me a whore, a slut and/or a hoe or even a combination of the three. I’ve never felt any type of way about being called those names, because I’m very much aware that I’m a sexual being with sexual needs and desires. I’ve never lied or apologized for wanting sex and nothing else. Those names cannot hurt me if I haven’t given them credence in my world. I found that the people usually hurling these words are people who wish that they could embrace their inner “hoe” and just do as they please. Here’s a little tip from me: You can fuck whoever the hell you want, and without checking in with anybody to see if that’s ok. I sometime cringe when I hear people say “oh, I can’t sleep with him on the first date” or ” I’m gonna wait for the perfect moment”. Frankly, I’m not sure what exactly they’re waiting for, but have a kit kat while you’re waiting. As an adult, is it still hard to ask and get what you want without the guilt and the labels?!? As women, can we fuck whoever we want without our reputations or good names being sullied by people who need that GIGANTIC stick removed from their asses? I mean, can a bitch live, just a little!?!
Your needs change as your get older and grow, and I’ve noticed that your sexual attitude can as well. Technology and the internet have complicated things or made them more casual to the point where sex is so readily available that it can become overwhelming. And that is where I currently find myself. I’ve put myself out there, flirted and kiss but I can’t seem to get to the sex part. For some reason my brain and body will not let me push up on some dude. I still feel the same about sex, but I think I’m more selective about who I push up on. I’m still into one night stands but I think about who I let into my bed and my home. Let’s not forget that I’m no longer an insecure girl but a woman who now knows better (in some case, but life is learning process…I think). With all the surge in violence against women in the last few years, my liberation can come with a price. Not only do I have to worry about disease and unwanted pregnancies (always play safe ladies), but I now have to worry about the crazy, violent misogynists dicks out here as well. But I also have to worry as a woman of color, as it’s been proven that it’s NOT AT ALL safe for aboriginal women.
I wanna say go forth and fuck, but I wouldn’t be honest with myself or you. What I wanna say is live your life, do whatever the fuck you want and enjoy sex. But what I HAVE to say, and it’s pretty sad that we live in this world, be careful and mindful of yourself, but more of the people around you. There are people out there who are on a mission to destroy and kill as many women as they can. And until all of us are safe, none of us are…
*Illustration by Brad Amorosino