Maxed out by life

I wasn’t trying to sound ominous with this title, in fact this is probably the best title I could use to describe my life at the present moment. That sinking feeling that I get every time I open my planner and see the never ending list of shit I have to do. When will it ever end? I don’t have a problem saying no until it comes to things that I want to achieve. I keep telling myself that I need to do all these things but I’m often wrong. Is there a way to do everything that you wanna do and not get engulfed by the anxiety of doing it all? It feels like every deadline is right fucking now. If this sounds like I’m whining, you are correct, but where else can I do that??

 

*Illustration by Brad Amorosino*

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Men-roach infestation

Have you noticed the surge of videos from random men telling women that having their period is “unnatural “. That we must give up a, b, and c in order not to bleed. As if women haven’t been bleeding since the dawn of time. We all know that most men can’t help but show us the right way to be a woman, even with their  lack of vaginas. It’s been an incurable disease only manifested in the male species since…well, since women were bleeding. Men know everything that women could do better yet haven’t the faintest idea of how not to pee on a toilet seat. All of them lurching around, like roaches, ready to pounce on any women who may be confident, independent and secure. It’s like their entire existence is depends on the fact that we need them to function.  Dear men, I’m really curious: how can you solve our problems when you still can’t and won’t address your own misogyny? How does that work? Why is it that men can only see women’s behavior but not how their own behavior is often toxic and problematic, when it’s actually the root of a lot of the issues we as women have? Continue reading

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The confusing musings of my sexual liberation

I’m fortunate enough to know several, strongly opinionated women, some of whom identify as feminists and some who don’t. But the one thing that they all have in common, is the mere fact that they all believe that women everywhere should have the right to do whatever they want and that right certainly extends to their vaginas. This might be a feminist rant or it might be enjoyable commentary on what sexual liberation means to the modern woman, or it just might be bullshit. Either way, you’re gonna hear my thoughts. Some of which will make sense, and the rest just might be filler (yeah, I know…but in my defense, writing ain’t easy). We’ve all seen the “Hoe is life” hashtag everywhere in the last few years. Women are living their best hoe life while yelling from the rooftops that it’s no longer a man’s prerogative to fuck everything that breathes. I know part of this statement might be a reductive way to describe men, but this isn’t a space centered around them so  FUCK’EM! But what does sexual liberation actually mean? How did we get from marital virgin to hoe is life in 3 generations?

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Addicted to swiping

There are 3 things that I know about myself: I am extremely stubborn, I make jokes about absolutely everything (Just ask my dead grandmother…relax, she honestly doesn’t mind) and I can easily become obsessed with something I truly like. And I’m talking like a decade-long fixation and not a passing fad. Can you guess what my latest compulsion is?? Swiping on a particular, popular dating app, and not just any ole’ swiping. Swiping left is the new petty. I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t even read the profiles and look at the rest of their pictures, I just fucking swipe. I obviously I have specific rules for swiping like if there’s a cat in the first picture I see of you, you are dismissed. If there’s a big ass fish being hung from some sort of line, you are dismissed. If your first picture is of you in a group of 20 deep, you are dismissed. I’m addicted to the rush of mass rejection. What is it about rejection that makes us feel (well, those of us that are dead inside…) so goddamn powerful. And before you shake your head in disbelief, ask yourself why the whole world is on so many dating apps…

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The pursuit of my happiness…

I’ve neglected you. I don’t call, I don’t write but I’m back, just like that asshole you gave your number to 4 months ago. These last few months have been busy, amazing and scary all at once. I’ve changed. Kind of a big statement to make but this time off has shown me who I can be and what I’m made of. I’ve been resistant to my own evolution for a while now. And although there has been some growth in the last 3 years, it’s mostly been stagnant because of fear. I’m not one made or built for change, I know how that sounds and yes I am aware that one can live without constant change. But what scares me is the lack of control when those changes come into effect. I’m so scared of how change will affect me that I don’t always realize that it’s necessary. But it’s like I’m seeing many things and people for the first time ( I swear, I wanna slap myself for this cult-like sentence…). What happens when you finally realize that you’re the reason you’re unhappy? How can such a small revelation fuck your entire life up?

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The truth about dating younger men

A wise woman once said “Age ain’t nothing but a number”. True, age doesn’t necessarily define maturity.  You can’t help but be attracted to who you’re attracted to; younger, older, skinny, fat. How many times have you seen someone’s great-grandfathers trying to pick up a barely legal tenderoni and no one says a word. I mean, it’s obviously as normal as sliced bread and it will continue on long after we’re all dead. But what happens when a woman tries to do the same? Well, obviously she must be shamed! How dare she take advantages of such a young man, she’s a woman for Christ’s sake. She’s suppose to be fucking nurturing and have no desire to sit on said young and able dick. Because let’s face it, we’re suppose to accept men as they are: saggy hairy balls, gross back hair, erectile dysfunction. But as women, we should keep it “tight and right” under the threat of being traded for a younger model. We are suppose to see past superficiality of a smooth and young body and go for someone “our own age”, whatever the fuck that means.Why does age affect the way we date, as women but not men’s. Obviously we can cite “Patriarchy” as the most obvious reason, but is there more than that…..

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Look who made it to year 1!!!

I can’t believe that it’s been a year since I started this little blog. The idea that anyone but my friends would read it, was very preposterous to me. I’m not a writer and although I’ve been keeping a journal my whole life, it’s been mostly thoughts that I’ve kept to myself. But sometimes you hit that emotional wall, and you need to let shit out. And let shit out, I did. I outed myself and some people in my life, but the whole point for me was to be able to work through my feelings and be open to letting people know that I’m not as strong as I appear to be. Before I really start losing it, I want to thank you all. All of you who have read and commented, and given me your wise words of encouragement. It means more to me than you’ll ever know xo

 

*Illustration by Brad Amorosino*

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